Rookie mom's notes

Though I promised myself to blog regularly I don’t take the effort until something life changing happens to me, motherhood surely is one such event in my life.

Gone is the generation that said their pregnancy was a sweet surprise after marriage, actually it would become a shock if unplanned for the current generation. I, a strong current generation product in all aspects, definitely planned my pregnancy so I will be better prepared to face the commitment and responsibility that will be thrown at me with a tiny human coming into my life. But what I realized once I went through it all is that most things I was told and advised and believed were either not completely true or baseless. So I wanted to list a few things that rookie mothers like me would want to know before gearing up for the journey with a baby.

1. "Every woman on earth delivers a baby so how difficult will it be"
1. This is the most often heard comment from anyone around starting from mothers who have seen it all to teenagers who don’t even know what pregnancy is. But the hard truth is pregnancy is a great deal with lot of adjustments with your own changing self, can't move fast, can't eat your favorite food cos it isn't your favorite anymore, you mostly stay in the wash room while the doctor easily says pee frequently, these are just a few not to mention the emotional and behavioral changes you undergo. So if someone says every woman does it, please snap back and say "I am not everyone".
2. "You can eat all you want"
1. This is the most wrong statement I have ever heard. Since the day I consulted a doctor which is pretty much from the first month, I have never been on a stricter and more difficult diet. For once they dig out historical medical cases of you and give precautionary measures, both diet and exercise, accordingly. You can't eat ice creams because you may catch a cold which may affect the fetus, limited sweets to avoid gestational diabetes, no junks to avoid putting on excess weight and to give healthy food to baby inside, the other half of your favorites you can't eat because you have nausea, so where is the enjoyment in eating all you like?
3. "Oh now you can proudly flaunt your bigger tummy"
1. Women these days are not restricted to just house, housewives or career women, both frequently go out and have an active social life. The first 5 months of the pregnancy where the baby is not big enough to be seen jutting out the tummy is in a size that will be seen as you becoming fat. Everyone you meet very casually comments that you have put on weight, and if you work in an office that is mostly men filled you can almost be sure to be popped with this comment.
4. "Pregnancy is not a disease so don’t be depressed"
1. This, I was told by a nurse at the labor ward when I was admitted with pains. Definitely it helps to tidy yourself up and try to look clean and decent, as if anything you will only look worse with pain and time. While it is easy to say and resolve to look well, when the labor pain hits you, it will numb your brain making you walk like a zombie. The pain is not painful in intensity but it is nagging with alternately back and abdomen pinching away continuously for hours, 10 times that of menstrual cramps. I surely felt depressing and almost wanted to hit the cancel button if I had the option
5. "Walk well, do sit ups"
1. Almost every person who is older than you, be it man or woman ,will start advising when you are pregnant and the only common advise you will receive is walk as much as you can, do sit ups, climb stairs. Not sure if the men even realize how difficult it is to walk with an additional weight of 12kg, let alone climbing stairs  and doing sit ups. I just chose to give a plastic smile at such advice and carried on with whatever I could do.
6. "You can work until you get pains"
1. This is the most inconsiderate advise that I have heard. Pregnancy is as much about the mother as much as the new born baby. Please don’t beat yourself and drag along until you sit in the office with labor pains, it is the cruelest punishment you can give yourself. You may take it off and relax from a week before the due date, sure spending the day before due date will be very difficult with all the anticipation and  heavy weight, but it is better to spend it at home sleeping and reading stuff rather than working at office with mental pressure and physical exhaustion not to mention the fear of getting pains at office
7. "All your pains will vanish on seeing your little one"
1. Sure on seeing the small feet and cute face will relieve you of the pain you have been going through probably for the last 12 hours or so but it doesn’t justify to you all the suffering endured. I had to go through induced labor pain and finally the surgery pain too, when the little one came out, tears came out, more because it was all over rather than the happiness of seeing the baby. Until 2 weeks after the delivery I wasn’t very attached to the baby, simply because I was also born as a mother, and was new born myself. Struggle to breast feed, physical pain preventing my nursing the baby easily, feeling drowsy and sleepy myself, not able to accompany the baby on his first bath and vaccine all made me extremely depressed and aloof, it is also called postpartum depression. So please give it 2 weeks by when your kid will develop a bond with you. Now he doesn’t let go of me and I don’t let go of him either.
8. Diet restrictions until 3 months after baby
1. There are loads of diet restrictions that are imposed on you by your parents without much thought simply because their parents imposed it on them. Doctors say there is no restriction but elders will differ on all that the doctor says. I was denied again all the nice things on reasons of being unhealthy, allergic, infection causing, all to the baby
9. "Are you feeding the baby enough?"
1. If you have a bunch of overprotective elders at home who care too much for the new born, they forget that the new mother in you is hurt every time they associate the baby's crying to insufficient milk, not nursing well, not settling in your arms etc. Don’t bother about these comments as sure as hell the mother instincts will dictate to you if there is a problem in feeding or nursing or comforting your small one.
10. "Don’t go out or take the little one out until 3 months"
1. This is the most ridiculous restriction placed on a new mother. Almost from 8 months of pregnancy you will stop going out as you feel uncomfortable staying out long without a loo. After finally delivering you feel desperately to step out to get some fresh air only to be stopped by elders at home to prevent you catching some infection. Your life will revolve around your feeding room, television, books and verandah for some sunlight. This in itself is so depressing and is completely baseless. It is perfectly ok to take a walk or a drive for a an hour or so to remain sane yourself. In fact doctors say it is ok to take your small one also for a spin from 4 weeks onwards with all the caution of covering well and avoiding overcrowded places.

I am yet to cross all the levels of mothering hurdles but with just 12 months since my pregnancy I have learnt so much on things that were misleading and giving rosy pictures of pregnancy letting women like me to think it should be a cake walk. Today's woman is well aware that kids are the ultimate aim of any marriage and the essence of life, and allowing access to correct information and relaxing the age old baseless non-relevant rules of those days will make the  journey to motherhood more pleasant and informed.

Zara hatke zara bachke yeh hei Mumbai meri jaan

Having to move to Mumbai from a place so closed and conservative as Chennai is quite exciting considering the out of the world descriptions usually given by the many hard core lovers of the city. “Happening”, “Singles haven”, “Don’t care”, “Fun all time” etc etc are often the things that I have been told before I moved in here. “Always drive with seat belt on”, “don’t be late to stations”, “you will be charged for water consumption”, “make sure to forget your purse while shopping”, “don’t be shocked by the fashion”, “be careful of pick pocketers” were some of the ADVICES I was given while trying to steer through the streets of Mumbai.

I am not a person that gets intimidated by scary warnings, in fact they turn me on and get me motivated to dare the warning. So stepped into Mumbai expecting a lot of interesting differences from Chennai, and differences there were. These incidents below were not good or bad but something that I have not experienced in Chennai.

First play in Mumbai called “Vaginal Monologues”

My special interest in theatricals always made me a frequent visitor to plays and stand up comedies, so when one such came my way I grabbed it. The theatre was closed and cozy, the audience was all well dressed and looked rich with a combination of old and young. The topic was quite a strikingly explicit one that I wouldn’t particularly prefer, but I “obviously” discarded the chances that anyone would dare talk to openly amidst a crowd. But they did ! In fact that made the entire crowd shout and utter the word VAGINA to make them feel comfortable….like shouting SEX will help people talk about it to others. Some things are meant and appreciated to remain private and this undoubtedly is one such thing. One of the lead actress even boasted that it was banned in Chennai by the City Commissioner considering the law and order risk it posed J I am sure the commissioner took a good decision.

Driving in my car

There wasn’t too much difference in the traffic or rules between Chennai and Mumbai but the traffic is certainly double the former. You just have to get used to seeing cops wearing topis here, taller and tummy less compared to our UNCLES back home. I was told they arent any better in collections, but I wasn’t a victim so far so I mustn’t complain. In fact you can see people selling books, magazines, pens, wiping cloths, peanuts in the signals which are very good business models. But driving in the city gives you a rather incredible feeling of power that you can now drive anywhere in the world J

Take the train

No Mumbai stay is complete without travelling in the train once during the peak hours. Getting into the first class ladies coach will seem quite easy as you can see some order and sophistication in the behavior of fellow travelers. All of them carrying a frontpack (not the backpack) to avoid thefts and wearing loads of makeup and pointed heels. I especially loved the Kurla station foot overbridge. It is the toughest challenge that can be kept in the finals for AXN “amazing race” or “fear factor”. When I cross it I get a sense a achievement………….like I have climbed up the success stairs of my life types!

Shady corners with Paani Poori

Back in Chennai if people like me who worked in IT/ITES/Telco with a little worry on the hygiene would prefer joints like Gangotri and Shreemithai for a nice tangy paani poori. In Mumbai you don’t have any such joints, you only have dim lit or not lit road corners with not so clean looking guys selling paani poori in heaps. I haven’t had the nerve till now to try them.

BMW owner that spits paan on the road

If you found a Honda or a BMW on Chennai roads the owners are typically ones that are rich, spoilt, sophisticated, well dressed, and “wont step out in sun” candidates. Well here, I witnessed a BMW owner, I confirm that with his branded dressing style and expensive goggles, open the router in the traffic signal waiting time and spitting paan in the middle of the road. Now that’s not a pleasant sight honestly.

Beggars that shouldn’t be called so

I am a person who doesn’t encourage people demanding or sometimes literally emotionally pleading for money. I get a cold stare back or carry on attitude from my Chennai pleaders, but Mumbai stares you into the eyes. A couple of transgenders at the Sion signal speaking tamil knocked every car window asking for money, and unfortunately I decided to be a little generous that day. I figured out a 2 Rs coin which I used admire for its picture on the tail end ( I have a little fancy to look at and collect nicely imprinted coins) and decided to let go of it to help a person. HOW WRONG I WAS ! The person who received it asked for a “NOTE” and not a coin and when I politely smiled back and said NO, the coin came back to me on my lap. Only then I realized how insignificant that 2Rs was for a pleading Mumbaikar.

And i am not the first person........listen to this song.............even before i was born i think someone knew it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5eutyOP3a0

Vacation @ maldives

After all the bustle and stress of the marriage, a vacation seemed like a cup of cold water after eating a chilly. I used to wonder and ask people why they would honey moon for a week long, well I know the answer now, it's jus to get away from people u know.

So after a much anticipated trip to Maldives, with the extensive and exclusive shopping done for this trip, I could not wait to see the place. Considering the fact that this place was chosen last due to the tedious procedures of other places, we had our own doubts on how gud this was goin to be. There are only small flights to maldives and therefore the turbulence was a turn off. But the view of the islands from the flight is just priceless.

The Sheraton hosts were amazing and took care of us rite from the airport to the hotel. Hotels own up islands like IT professionals owning flats in chennai. The resort is awesome including a wifi connection using which I m blogging now. Te icing on the cake was my villa, it was fabulous! I shud appreciate my darling husband and the travels guy for this flawless selection.

The villa was sea facing and had a bed facing the sea. It had a nice big wash space and an awesome garden. But my favorite was the private pool facing the sea. I was simply like a dream cottage. The food is just a dial away and the complimentary breakfast was out of the world. Every worker in the resort was mandated to smile and greet u every time u cross them.

No no i m just nit interested in any activity, I just want to watch tv, sleep, watch the waves and fish and sound time with my soul mate. Will come back with pictures after I m back from the vacation, ie after 4 days.

Loading image………..booting up with new features

I am sure it wouldn’t be surprising to people closely associated with routers and switches to consider a new role as one more image upgrade to accommodate a new feature in the same platform. I know that sounds very “mokkai” (vernacular term for PJ). More than a job interview sometimes a small meeting with new people can unleash the worst of nervousness in you. What is more strenuous is the enormous effort you put in to show off your best of performances and see them working against you. I am fully determined to gear up myself to encounter the new challenge with all the technical qualifications needed.

Mandatory attribute 1 : Cooking

Accept it or not, this is a major factor to decide ones self sustainability. I always said cooking is all maths and science because u need to know how many spoons/litres/bowls/kgs of each ingredient is mixed with what and you will have your final dish ready. And I even followed this strategy……..with youtube on the kitchen table and mom on the dining table, both guiding me how to make something. And I must warn you it is deadly to use both guides at the same time as one wouldn’t agree with the other and worst still the mom guide will give bad reviews to other human elements consuming the end product. Though the color and shape may match the actual output desired the “taste” factor will fail us most of the time. And this you will learn because the very cooperative dad, who is ready to be the test rat, will swallow one mouthful and give a sarcastic smile saying “it tastes great…but for the…” and exactly when you offer him another serving he remembers an important call he’s got to make.

But I encourage myself saying I am much better than half the population around the world that does not know how to cook (including the animal kingdom). Moreover it is not how I cook, it is how many dishes I can cook, with or without the taste element, that will add to my qualifications. And this way I have made rasam, sambar, rice, potato, laddu, upma, soupy noodles (my best in taste), gobi Manchurian, vegetable biriyani (my worst in taste), chappathi, sandwich…………….wow so many, I am sure I can survive anyone with these things.

So the first mandatory attribute is satisfied

Not so Indian Delhi....

For just one day i happened to be in the capital of our country and i already felt so proud of it. I wasnt totally ready to take the many changes that has happened over the past one or two years and it was so fantastic i must mention. Right from the moment i landed in the airport till the time i flew back it was all so easy to and user friendly.

The airport to start with is so large and built to international standards that i found it similar to the KL airport in terms of look and feel. May be becos the volume of travellers isnt so high now it was a bit empty but it would look awesome with people buzzing around. The cab system run by the Delhi Police is very assuring and u kinda feel safe atleast mentally though the cars are damaged and living their last moments before burial. The best thing about the city is the metro trains that run across the city. I must say the drive from the metro station to the airport was awesome with ac fitted auto door trains. I think it took some 15 or 20 mins to cover some 20 or 24 kms of distance. I was even wondering if the same Indians resided in Delhi as they managed to keep the stations and roads so clean. I guess they arent given freebies like they are in my state making them less responsible for cleanliness. May be becos this place is the where the deadly congregation of sooper technical and strategic looters of our country happens, people are terrified to be their normal irresponsible dirty selves. But for once i am happy for it :)

I so liked the place that i felt if i had to relocate out of chennai for any reason, it wouldnt happen unless it is Delhi probably.

Reaxion - cycling event Mar 13th

This is my first cycling event ever in life. I was actually excited because i thought i was going to ride with a set of pros who must be some professional racers or perennial cycling gurus. What i found out was even more interesting, most of them were first time riders and first time geared cycle riders, like me :) This boosted my confidence as we always try to put our nose high where we know people are not better than us :)

The organizers i must say were very efficient for the age group (mus be between 20 to 30) they belonged to, to the extent that they used the hop-on-hop-off buses for our return journey, i must appreciate their presence of mind and cost effective planning. Breakfast at GRT was sooper awesome, may be partly becos i was very tired and hungry.

Just when i was on the verge of hanging myself for doing the same kind of presos continuously for 3 weeks at office, this event came to my rescue. The anxiety of how the ride will turn out to be kept me alive on saturday evening and the tiredness of the sunday event restored my senses back. Evey little inch of my leg pleeded for rest at the end and it was such a wonderful pain that made me realize that i am still alive.

Some of them came on jazzy bikes that they bought on their own with funky helmets and sleeker bikes and anyone like me who saw a geared bicycle the first time in life would have thought they were professionals. But later i found out that they recorded as much a time as we novices did. The best part was the spirit of an aunty who mus be easily 50+ and came with her Ladybird cycle for the event....and she completed the distance too.

The ECR scenic on the way was truly amazing especially during sunrise. But there was never a dearth for good dust and stench which accompanied us all the way till GRT just that it differed from one place to another but always stayed. Just at the end of the ride after entering the GRT gates, someone overtook me and said that he cudnt let a girl beat him at such short distance... :D. But i mus say the crowd that came for the event was absolutely fantastic, they were like minded people who came for the sheer fun of cycling and fitness and i enjoyed being amongst them.

At the end of it i was so tired and dirty that i felt like a school kid who plays in mud and comes home with a brownish coating of dust. Never did bathing give me so much of a satisfaction and a sense of achievement like today, oh i wud have even loved to sleep under the shower. This was one of the best sundays i ever had 

Endhiran...confused film

Too many good cooks spoil the broth and i cant think of a better proof to this than the movie itself. I was obviously excited to watch thalaivar's movie and more to watch Sankar's work. I like Sankar for the screenplay and the way he charaterizes his hero and heroine, they are portrayed educated and beautiful. It makes you forget the non idealistic world for a couple of hours and watch the hero change the city.

For a start the theatre experience, i mean the crowd was so disappointing. Given the fact that i went to the movie almost a month later after it was released, i expected a little decent audience that would clap for good efforts on the screen. But i guess i shud defy those logics when it is Rajni. There was whistle and applause for even sneezing on screen. And the scene where Ash kisses the hero, there were lewd jokes and loud comments.

Now coming to the movie as such, i wasnt too impressed by the shabby, patchy work. I particularly hated the scenes where Rajni tries to romance Ash, they look so made up. She is just awesome in her moves to the music and our hero as usual does his robotic dance (which he is used to doing in all movies). I found that a lot of characters have been immensely wasted like Danny Denzongpa, Hanifa, Revathy Sankaran, Santhanam, Kalabavan Mani etc. These are some very good artists who havent been used to their fullest. I would have preferred if the romatic scenes of Ash(warya)-(Raj)ni had been cut down to let in these characters play for a while.If you parse the movie scene by scene probably it was shot well, but together they sucked.

In short if i were to describe the movie i wud say, first half was dedicated to romance, second to graphics and Rajni. There was very little for Ash to act while Rajni justified his role as the villanous Robot. What was ultimate kollywoodism was the Robot detailing about the first Robot-human (humanoid) child to Ash. The series of graphics near the climax was what probably took Sankar 2 years to complete. They were good but too much to take in a single stretch. He cud have used such heavy graphic for the pathetic first half too.

I found Ash leading the movie, managed to find Rajni in the second half but sadly couldnt find the good director Sankar who always neatly presents his work. Perhaps Sankar was confused whether to satisfy the lead pair by adding unnecessary romantic scenes, or to satisfy the hype created by including too many special effects, or to satisfy the mass by adding too much stunts by Rajni (that can be counted as special effects too ;)), or to satisfy the producer by making a masala story, or to satisfy his good self by coining an out of the box sci-fi movie.