Rookie mom's notes

Though I promised myself to blog regularly I don’t take the effort until something life changing happens to me, motherhood surely is one such event in my life.

Gone is the generation that said their pregnancy was a sweet surprise after marriage, actually it would become a shock if unplanned for the current generation. I, a strong current generation product in all aspects, definitely planned my pregnancy so I will be better prepared to face the commitment and responsibility that will be thrown at me with a tiny human coming into my life. But what I realized once I went through it all is that most things I was told and advised and believed were either not completely true or baseless. So I wanted to list a few things that rookie mothers like me would want to know before gearing up for the journey with a baby.

1. "Every woman on earth delivers a baby so how difficult will it be"
1. This is the most often heard comment from anyone around starting from mothers who have seen it all to teenagers who don’t even know what pregnancy is. But the hard truth is pregnancy is a great deal with lot of adjustments with your own changing self, can't move fast, can't eat your favorite food cos it isn't your favorite anymore, you mostly stay in the wash room while the doctor easily says pee frequently, these are just a few not to mention the emotional and behavioral changes you undergo. So if someone says every woman does it, please snap back and say "I am not everyone".
2. "You can eat all you want"
1. This is the most wrong statement I have ever heard. Since the day I consulted a doctor which is pretty much from the first month, I have never been on a stricter and more difficult diet. For once they dig out historical medical cases of you and give precautionary measures, both diet and exercise, accordingly. You can't eat ice creams because you may catch a cold which may affect the fetus, limited sweets to avoid gestational diabetes, no junks to avoid putting on excess weight and to give healthy food to baby inside, the other half of your favorites you can't eat because you have nausea, so where is the enjoyment in eating all you like?
3. "Oh now you can proudly flaunt your bigger tummy"
1. Women these days are not restricted to just house, housewives or career women, both frequently go out and have an active social life. The first 5 months of the pregnancy where the baby is not big enough to be seen jutting out the tummy is in a size that will be seen as you becoming fat. Everyone you meet very casually comments that you have put on weight, and if you work in an office that is mostly men filled you can almost be sure to be popped with this comment.
4. "Pregnancy is not a disease so don’t be depressed"
1. This, I was told by a nurse at the labor ward when I was admitted with pains. Definitely it helps to tidy yourself up and try to look clean and decent, as if anything you will only look worse with pain and time. While it is easy to say and resolve to look well, when the labor pain hits you, it will numb your brain making you walk like a zombie. The pain is not painful in intensity but it is nagging with alternately back and abdomen pinching away continuously for hours, 10 times that of menstrual cramps. I surely felt depressing and almost wanted to hit the cancel button if I had the option
5. "Walk well, do sit ups"
1. Almost every person who is older than you, be it man or woman ,will start advising when you are pregnant and the only common advise you will receive is walk as much as you can, do sit ups, climb stairs. Not sure if the men even realize how difficult it is to walk with an additional weight of 12kg, let alone climbing stairs  and doing sit ups. I just chose to give a plastic smile at such advice and carried on with whatever I could do.
6. "You can work until you get pains"
1. This is the most inconsiderate advise that I have heard. Pregnancy is as much about the mother as much as the new born baby. Please don’t beat yourself and drag along until you sit in the office with labor pains, it is the cruelest punishment you can give yourself. You may take it off and relax from a week before the due date, sure spending the day before due date will be very difficult with all the anticipation and  heavy weight, but it is better to spend it at home sleeping and reading stuff rather than working at office with mental pressure and physical exhaustion not to mention the fear of getting pains at office
7. "All your pains will vanish on seeing your little one"
1. Sure on seeing the small feet and cute face will relieve you of the pain you have been going through probably for the last 12 hours or so but it doesn’t justify to you all the suffering endured. I had to go through induced labor pain and finally the surgery pain too, when the little one came out, tears came out, more because it was all over rather than the happiness of seeing the baby. Until 2 weeks after the delivery I wasn’t very attached to the baby, simply because I was also born as a mother, and was new born myself. Struggle to breast feed, physical pain preventing my nursing the baby easily, feeling drowsy and sleepy myself, not able to accompany the baby on his first bath and vaccine all made me extremely depressed and aloof, it is also called postpartum depression. So please give it 2 weeks by when your kid will develop a bond with you. Now he doesn’t let go of me and I don’t let go of him either.
8. Diet restrictions until 3 months after baby
1. There are loads of diet restrictions that are imposed on you by your parents without much thought simply because their parents imposed it on them. Doctors say there is no restriction but elders will differ on all that the doctor says. I was denied again all the nice things on reasons of being unhealthy, allergic, infection causing, all to the baby
9. "Are you feeding the baby enough?"
1. If you have a bunch of overprotective elders at home who care too much for the new born, they forget that the new mother in you is hurt every time they associate the baby's crying to insufficient milk, not nursing well, not settling in your arms etc. Don’t bother about these comments as sure as hell the mother instincts will dictate to you if there is a problem in feeding or nursing or comforting your small one.
10. "Don’t go out or take the little one out until 3 months"
1. This is the most ridiculous restriction placed on a new mother. Almost from 8 months of pregnancy you will stop going out as you feel uncomfortable staying out long without a loo. After finally delivering you feel desperately to step out to get some fresh air only to be stopped by elders at home to prevent you catching some infection. Your life will revolve around your feeding room, television, books and verandah for some sunlight. This in itself is so depressing and is completely baseless. It is perfectly ok to take a walk or a drive for a an hour or so to remain sane yourself. In fact doctors say it is ok to take your small one also for a spin from 4 weeks onwards with all the caution of covering well and avoiding overcrowded places.

I am yet to cross all the levels of mothering hurdles but with just 12 months since my pregnancy I have learnt so much on things that were misleading and giving rosy pictures of pregnancy letting women like me to think it should be a cake walk. Today's woman is well aware that kids are the ultimate aim of any marriage and the essence of life, and allowing access to correct information and relaxing the age old baseless non-relevant rules of those days will make the  journey to motherhood more pleasant and informed.